SGA electioneering, part 1

Posted on 2009-03-30 20:43:28

As I walked to my bike this morning, I noticed a series of papers taped to the sidewalk promoting the "ONE Party". I though "Great, another stupid party probably filled with drunk freshman, and I'll have to clean up the mess in the bathroom when it's done." Sadly, this paper was promoting the only form of party lower than alcoholic parties: political parties.

What I find most hilarious about this year's resume builders are the party names. They all seem to promote some sort of unity, yet there are so disparate. Judging by the names--the ONE Party, the Student Power Party, Unite UMD, and the Connect Party--you can't seem to get even a rough idea of what they are promoting, other than perhaps unity and "student issues", which I suppose would be a good start as they are running for student government positions.

I sadly do not know much about the platforms of these parties, but I intend to take a good look at all of them and evaluate those who are running. I anticipate there is enough nonsense for me to tear their platforms to pieces, justifying no votes for any of the candidates and only votes for the issues.

As I did last year, this year I'm fighting back:

The paper on my door has one purpose: to terminate the stream of campaign propaganda I should be receiving shortly. For some reason, being in the election is a license to shove a ton of paper under people who don't want your nonsense's doors. I must have missed that rule.

The basic message of the paper is that if a candidate or political party spams me, they've lost my vote. Of course, I want to have a little fun so I went further than that and added a paragraph stating any items stuck on or under my door require a $50 fee to be paid within a week.

Last year the results of a similar paper on my door were hilarious. I received apology letters (which I sadly have lost or else I would have posted them here) from two parties, and the most amusing part was that one of them didn't actually spam me.

I'm also making a little flier for the "ANNOY PEOPLE WHO WANT TO EAT PARTY", a party of one issue: to annoy those who want to eat dinner by standing outside of the doors, distributing fliers, and asking for votes. I think I'll be able to get most of the members of the current parties to switch to my party with this platform because they all seem to love annoying me as I eat dinner.

Who says SGA elections can't be fun?

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Last modified on 2009-03-30 20:43:28.